foster kid

Brave

/ Fostering.Live / Leave a comment

2D4883B7-A078-4BFE-8887-54AE1CBD9E0B

This is my favorite definition of bravery. “The ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say ‘move aside. You are in the way.’” 

I want to be brave. I want my kids to be brave. I want them to do courageous things even when they are scared and riddled with doubt and anxiety. My wish for them is that they always know they were put here on purpose and for a purpose. There are no accidents or mistakes here.

The times in my life during which I have experienced the most formidable amount of fear and anxiety have also been the times in which I’ve grown the most and transformed into a better version of myself. Needless to say, as we press forward toward adoption, fear and anxiety have had a backstage pass to my life these days. It’s overwhelming.

Taking on foster care was the bravest thing I’ve done. Adopting even braver. These kids have changed me. My purpose. My priorities. Everything.

I’m hearing all sorts of whispers of fear in my life right now. “This is only going to get harder.” “Once the adoption happens, all doors to support will be closed.” “You’re going to be legally responsible for their actions.” “Can you really do this?” “They are damaged – they will never be whole. You can’t fix this.” “If a recession hits, do you really think you’ll be able to financially provide the life they deserve?” “Say goodbye to your marriage… it’ll be splitsville by the time they are in middle school.” “You’ll be working for the rest of your life.”

Brave is my word this season. It has my focus. My attention. My mantra so to speak. A few of my current nightstand reads: Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed, 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, and I am Malala by Christina Lamb and Malala Yousafzai. If you’re looking for some inspiration, I recommend any of these (note: the book 100 Days to Brave is a devotional type read and may not be your cup of tea depending on beliefs. 👌🏼 No judgment here!). One thing I’m learning as I focus on “Brave” this season is that there are no regrets. That it’s okay – normal even – to feel scared. It’s not without fear and hurt. That it’s important to strive for progress, not perfection. It’s about letting go – of control, of the ideals around “what I thought my life would look like,” and embracing the uncomfortable unknown. Brave isn’t a feeling but a choice.

Let go and be brave my friends! ✌🏼

“Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous or honest.” – Maya Angelou

Rescue

/ Fostering.Live / Leave a comment
This song came on the radio the other night when I was having one of those dramatic B rated movie moments. You know what I’m talking about. That kind of hands in the air, “what the heck do you want from me?!?”, I don’t think I can do this, yelling to the sky in the rain moment.
.
Brokenness. Anger. Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Grief. I’ve got a lot of work to do on my heart this season.
.
Anyways this song came on the radio, almost as an answer at the end of my “moment,” and I swear it’s been looped on repeat in my car and everywhere ever since. I’m not sure what it means but it feels like hope. Words of a love so profound that it pierces the deepest, darkest, longest, hardest lengths to get to you. Purpose. Safety. Comfort. Though I believe in God, I’m not a “religious person.” There is something about these words and this song that reaches my very core in a spiritual way. In a way that says “Hey you, I see you struggling with some deep shit. YOU MATTER. I’ll go through this with you.”
.
Though the author of these lyrics probably wasn’t thinking of foster children while drafting this song, I feel as though these are the perfect words for our foster youth.
.
Lyrics:
You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
.
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
.
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
.
There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You’re not defenseless
I’ll be your shelter
I’ll be your armor
.
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
.
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue youI will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
.
I hear the whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper, you have nothing left
.
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
.
Oh, I will rescue you

Happy Thanksgiving

/ Fostering.Live / Leave a comment

FDD22A44-4A1A-4D9C-ACB3-BC8F9470CE44

On Tuesday I played hooky with my girl. We went the therapy, then shopping for clothes, lunch with my mom & then painting pottery at a local studio near downtown Seattle. We needed this date; I needed it every bit as much as she did. I want to be intentional about giving her my undivided attention as often as possible and being as positive and kind and encouraging. Regretfully this past month I have noticed my interactions have been somewhat negative – “you spend too much time on social media,” “if you want to go to college, you need better grades,” “The photos you are posting on social media and in messages to friends are a little too provocative,” “please stop leaving your nail polish out where the younger kids can get into it,” “I don’t leave these cups in the sink because they are fragile and special…”

I can do better. She deserves better.

Therapy was brutal. And I’ll spare the details but to summarize things, my sweet girl is having a hard season of life. And she needs an outlet and so much love and kindness and to know that it’s okay to feel sad or angry or depressed or anxious… that is there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. That she’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.

This thanksgiving I am grateful that she landed in our home. That she’s a part of our family. I am grateful for her grace, kindness, warmth and eagerness to participate in our family. I am grateful for her laughter and love of dancing. She brings so much joy and fun into our home. I am grateful that she chose to keep fighting for herself when life became unbearably difficult for her. That when suicide was an option considered, she decided “this is not how my story will end…”