adoption planning

Rescue

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This song came on the radio the other night when I was having one of those dramatic B rated movie moments. You know what I’m talking about. That kind of hands in the air, “what the heck do you want from me?!?”, I don’t think I can do this, yelling to the sky in the rain moment.
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Brokenness. Anger. Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. Grief. I’ve got a lot of work to do on my heart this season.
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Anyways this song came on the radio, almost as an answer at the end of my “moment,” and I swear it’s been looped on repeat in my car and everywhere ever since. I’m not sure what it means but it feels like hope. Words of a love so profound that it pierces the deepest, darkest, longest, hardest lengths to get to you. Purpose. Safety. Comfort. Though I believe in God, I’m not a “religious person.” There is something about these words and this song that reaches my very core in a spiritual way. In a way that says “Hey you, I see you struggling with some deep shit. YOU MATTER. I’ll go through this with you.”
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Though the author of these lyrics probably wasn’t thinking of foster children while drafting this song, I feel as though these are the perfect words for our foster youth.
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Lyrics:
You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
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I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
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I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
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There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You’re not defenseless
I’ll be your shelter
I’ll be your armor
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I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
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I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue youI will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
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I hear the whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper, you have nothing left
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I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you
I will never stop marching to reach you
In the middle of the hardest fight
It’s true, I will rescue you
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Oh, I will rescue you

Redacted Files

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These two thumbdrives, given to me this afternoon (August 28, 2019) by our Adoption Social Worker, possess the entire histories of our 5 children. Detailed compilations of their trauma, how they came into foster care, vital records, birth records, CPS intake calls from strangers, maybe even family, legal records, case notes, notes from CASAs, etc… Their stories before they were mine. A formality in the process of adoption, this is the State’s way of giving an adoptive parent every piece of information they need to make an educated decision as to whether to complete the adoption of their child. It’s called the Redacted File or Disclosures. Redacted because a professional whose sole job for the State is to sit down and black out any names or addresses or contact information listed in the records, probably spent ten hours sifting through the lives of my babies, blacking out names of birth family, former foster parents and other placements, and any information that they deem necessary to keep private. (Yeah, let that sink in next time you want to complain about your job. Someone’s full time job is pretty much whiting out documents.)

Do I really need to look at these? I don’t think that there is anything we could discover about our kids that would change our minds about adopting them. We’ve seen all the behaviors. We’ve lived this life. We know we have an uphill journey. Adoption isn’t a cure for our kids’ past trauma, for the neglect or abuse or exposure to drugs in utero.  We know that the clock is ticking for two of our kiddos – that therapy and medical interventions need to happen NOW and be consistent so that they don’t repeat the cycle ahead of them. What could we possibly discover that we don’t already know about our kids. We love them so so much!!

Aren’t you afraid your kids will end up like their birth parents? I’ll admit, and I’m ashamed to say this but… YES. I am. What if I invest my whole heart and life and every resource I have into giving them a good life and they choose to follow their birth parents’ footsteps. Heroine. Meth. Crime. Homelessness. Domestic Violence. The thing is, there is no guarantee. Drug addiction doesn’t discriminate, white picket fence or not. Although some of the trauma and experiences my kids have had to walk through may predispose them to certain certain struggles, there is hope. And a future (Jer 29:11). I only have ten more years until my  “first born” is an adult. I can’t have strings attached like I’ll only love you if you don’t struggle with drug addiction, suicidal ideation, and depression. 

Will reading the files on these thumbdrives help me understand my children better? Should these thumbdrives be saved for when our kids are adults and have questions? There are so many thoughts.

I feel reluctant to open these files.

Like most decisions made in our household, Mauricio and I will sit down together tonight and discuss the pros and cons to opening these thumb drives. And then we’ll do it together. Knowing how broken our system is, I’m expecting there to be a lot of heart breaking details on these drives – handfuls of foster homes, CPS intakes, police reports, children returned to situations of neglect and abuse, concerning behaviors, emails between the Department, etc… It will break us. I know it will. We don’t need the beginning of their story to change the ending. But we’d do anything to give them a redo and be able to take away the challenges they’ve faced and will continue to face as they grow older.

 

Adoption Home Study … Approved!

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Today we had the adoption home study. A home study is a written record of one’s life and ultimately qualifies them to either adopt or foster a child. In 2017 we completed a home study in order to become licensed foster parents and today’s home study was conducted for the purpose of adopting our five incredible kids. Home studies are invasive –  lots of questions, some require no thought and some require quite a bit of energy to answer (“How was your childhood?” “How is your support system?” “Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence?” “Have you ever been sexually or physically abused?” “How were you disciplined as a child?” “What is your culture?” “What is your emergency evacuation plan?” “Where does everybody sleep?” “If something happens to you or your spouse, who will help with the kids?” “What is your plan for X situation?” “Tell me how you run your home.” “How did you meet your spouse?” “How do you support each other in the home?” “Do you want to have any biological children?” Etc…). The first time around, in 2017, the personal interviews took hours. Like 2.5 hours of conversation. I remember feeling so cranky and tired afterward. I think I actually asked our licensor for a break.

This time around the entire home study took about 4 hours. Mauricio, I and all of our kids were interviewed individually by the licensor. The licensor inspected the house, walked around outside, made sure all of our meds (Ibuprofen, kids’ prescriptions, cough drops, vapor rub, tums…. everything of that sort) were locked up. She made sure we had a fire extinguisher and fire escape ladders for the top two stories (side note – my next house needs to be a rambler. I hate heights. And stairs. And mostly heights. God forbid I have to choose between climbing down a cheapie aluminum ladder from the third story of my house or dying of smoke inhalation. I can’t even get the holiday decorations down from the garage attic. Funny story – In my early twenties my first apartment was one of those super trendy tiny, less than 300 square foot lofts, where the kitchen and bathroom share a sink and maybe 4 people can fit in the apartment … if they all stand.  I spent many a night sleeping on a bean bag chair at the base of the loft ladder, scared I’d accidentally roll off the bed to my death. I only lasted 2.5 months at the “high efficiency studio.”). Anyways, today’s home study went really well. There were no issues and at the end we were both hugged, given the approval, and told by the licensor that she wishes the State “could clone you and your home.”

Our kids did great and they were really excited to know we are one step closer to adoption. After the licensor left the kids asked if they could get or make a cake to celebrate. Seeing as I’m not one to ever turn down cake and it was too late to bake anything, we obliged and took the kids to the store to pick out a cake. They asked for candles and we sang “Happy Adoption Home Study Approval” to them in the tune of “Happy Birthday.” It was hilarious. So much joy. We are blessed.

Now we wait for our social worker to let us know the next steps, and we will be contacting a lawyer to help us navigate the legalities of adopting five kids this year… stay tuned!