It’s 1:30am on a Saturday. I should be sleeping. Want to know why I am still awake? Because we just had a family meeting. Family meeting around the kitchen island with our sixteen year old foster daughter after I caught her trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party. Stalker mode, huddled in the corner, on the floor of my own  kitchen, in the dark, I caught her in the act of orchestrating her sneak out. (Side note, at what point do we parents become these lame idiots that our kids think us to be? I know when something isn’t right. And even if I didn’t, thanks to ARLO, I would have been notified the moment she stepped out of the house, regardless of which egress.)
.
When I confronted her, she said I was mistaken. Her poker face is so good. Unfortunately there have been times in her life where she’s had to lie to survive. She’s a pro at lies and building walls and keeping people at an arm’s length (I think we are so perfectly matched because my husband and I specialize in remodels. We do the hard work of knocking walls down. Seeing the potential.) I showed her copies of her texts and videos proving otherwise, she fessed up (after lying to me six or seven times), and then we sat at the kitchen island and talked.

.
ALL THE GUILT TRIPS. Moms, if you are reading this, this is where we were made to shine. Spread it on thick. Get your shine on.
.
“I started a support group for foster moms last week. And one of my mom’s shared with me that she has a fifteen year old foster daughter who was recently abducted. She thought she was going to a harmless high school party and she was abducted, shot up with methamphetamine and trafficked. This girl will never be the same. She’s addicted. One mistake and her life is upside down. What if…?”
.
“What if something had happened to you? I WOULD DIE!!! That 17 year old punk who was going to pick you up at 11:45pm, what if on the way home at 3am he lost control of his car and you ended up severely injured, paralyzed or dead?”
.
“What if the police ended up at this party and you were caught trying a beer or a shot or a hit of something? You don’t have permanent residency in this country yet… what if you lost the opportunity due to something stupid like this? What if it ruined your educational and employment goals!?”
.
There were more… but you get the point…. all the guilt trips. All of them. They were legendary.
.
Here’s the deal, sweet girl. We love you. We want more for you. We wouldn’t be here at 1:30 in the morning if we didn’t. This is what parents do. I know you feel uncomfortable. You feel shame, and sadness, maybe a little anger.  Probably scared about whether we will still love you, whether you will still have a place in my home, all the burdensome foster thoughts you carry with you. Maybe right now you are wondering what your birth mom would say or do if she were here to handle this. Why aren’t they yelling or breaking things or hurting me or telling me I’m unworthy? We got this. We got you. We care so freaking much. We are here for you. You deserve every opportunity to succeed. Aside from murder and a couple other big ones, there really isn’t anything you can do that would make us stop loving you. And not to condone murder or anything, but I’d probably throw some money on your canteen account, accept a collect call or two, and visit. So as long as you feel happy, safe, loved, comfortable in our home and family, here you will stay.