Today we have our APR, Adoption Planning Review Meeting. This milestone happens between a child becoming legally free and adopted and it sets the table for adoption, with a timeline of usually 6 months or less.

I’m a little nervous, to be honest. Yesterday morning within an hour of J7 getting to school, he was suspended again. In situations like that I can’t help wondering if we’re adequate parents, if we’ll be able to meet his needs, what obstacles will the future hold, etc… At school he’s angry, defiant, anxious, destructive, and has a really hard time taking directions from authority, or anybody for that matter. He’s starting to experience auditory hallucinations and has no friends… not one friend. He’s starting to buy into the lie that he’s not a good kid, not smart enough, not worthy of friends, etc… It’s excruciating to see him walk through this.  At home he’s my sweet boy. He’s sensitive, kind, compassionate, an eager helper, brilliant, happy, and smart. He is worthy of happiness and success and all the good things. We want so badly for him to see that.

The State has made it very clear that support and resources become more limited post adoption. Residential care will not be an option if one of our children require a more therapeutic setting. More limitations on mental health support, etcetera.

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(later…)

Ten minutes into the meeting, the Adoption Planning Manager for the region said to us, “these kids are exactly where they need to be. You are amazing. You are helping them heal from really traumatic pasts. We can’t express our gratitude for what you’re doing.” Not fishing for a compliment here, but wow was that a nice thing to hear. To be honest, it’s been a real ass kicker of a year. Fall down 7 times, stand up 8.

For about an hour we discussed the adoption process for our five amazing foster kids, A4, J5, J6, T7, & J7. Waivers, limitations, rights, notices, etc… Attorneys fees that we need to prepare for (this will be about $5,000 – $6,000 given the number of children) and finding an attorney to retain.

It sounds like we are 6 months out from adoption. I know I said that about our 2 Js, J5 & J7, back in the summer of 2018 after they became legally free. We are choosing to adopt all 5 kids on the same day so that we have one anniversary to celebrate, and more importantly, so that no one can say “Mom and Dad love me more because they adopted us first.”

We will have a closed court hearing (meaning only invited can be in attendance. We’ll be sure to invite all family, friends, teachers, people who have helped and loved our kids) which will result in us being the legal forever parents of these amazing kids. They will have new last names, their juvenile dependency cases will be closed, and they’ll have new social security numbers and birth certificates listing us as parents. I’m excited for the future!